Self-awareness.  A 2 year journey and climbing.  Never in this life did it ever envision it could have what it truly wants, that it could reconcile its wants and desire of vanilla and kink in unity one another, brick by brick… That is why it is so fascinated by architecture,  the beautiful buildings that envelope old towns and modern cities, made up of somewhat ordinary materials but when combined with structure, discipline and originality – a one of a kind.

For so long it was burdened by fear and insecurity.  The stuff that nobody really talks about.   A journey of self-discovery and honesty because when one choose the lifestyle of a slave,  the only thing you have is the strength of your inner being to guide you..

Last week it suffered like no other.  A naked, raw pain of exposure of spirit and isolation.  It wasn’t sure if  it could come out of the weeds..Then without thinking, the sun rose, and life just got better.  Something clicked without overthinking.

Will it end up collared?  Who knows…It only knows that this lifestyle is about being comfortable with who you are..and acceptance of yourself for what you are and the ability to stay true and have a sense of humor.

Thank you for letting it share…..

your kinky courtesan xx

Creators of Opportunity

Yesterday was its firs time legitimately.  It was v. nervous at first, it wasn’t like answering or responding ads on CL for an NSA good time, these guys were serious.  They are men of all different ages (mostly older) who are willing to pay handsomely for a  little companionship.

First impressions – the hotel was not upscale.  A budget option in downtown Manhattan, that was made for afternoon delights.   As it got in the elevator, the blood rushed to its ears, “ok put your game face on”….The door opened and when it saw the envelope on the table, its heart rate slowed…

Its life is measured in time more than ever before.  Time is money, measured in 30 minutes increments. The ability to make someone feel wanted an special is a true talent…courtesans do not sell their bodies, we are creators of opportunity. It  is within a discreet amount of time that you can be and say whatever and whoever you want to be, without judgement.

A safe haven for you to animate your deepest desires.

your kinky courtesan xx

Switch Revelation

Today it had a session with slave and realized its dominant side.  Well, it new it always existed because it often topped him in situations and thoroughly enjoyed it but the point is that it has finally realized that being a switch will be good for development of its slave self.  

How does that make sense? Well, it is a slave to one Master.  Submissive to those he requires it to bottom.  It will answer only to him.  Absolute and true. The dominant side in it help it to be fearless, open to its vulnerabilities and to face its insecurities and turn them into strengths rather than run away from them.  

your kinky courtesan xx

Reflecting on the Past, To Understand the Future

Over the weekend it reactivated it’s Blackberry to have an additional phone for work.  In doing that it was able to read the old bbm messages that existed between it and its former Master.   A relationship, 2 years in the making officially ended in December due to the careless  words and actions of this slut.  It was eye opening to say the least, and just what it needed as the messages revealed quite a bit…

It will take accountability for a few things that created the mess unpleasant situation situation that has existed, particularly over the the last few months..

1. it lost is “amazingness” –  He said “if you are amazing I will never stray, if you are not, I will use you when I can” .  No longer is it at the amazing point and it hasn’t been there for awhile.   Its confidence became overshadowed by insecurity. Insecure that you are smart enough, successful enough or just plain good enough – some other woman will be better.  Eventually, if you keep saying it, it comes true.  You are no longer a priority.  Like a virus it began to spread into almost every aspect of the relationship. There were no boundaries. anymore. Time to reclaim..

2. lost in translation? – admittedly, it loves to talk.  While it has always prided itself on being a good listener,  it has developed a habit of hearing and interpreting things in its own way.  Not taking what is said at face value.  Is this an issue of trust? Stubbornness?  Simplicity is key.

3.  Its in the Actions, not words… In a p/e relationship you are only as good as what you “do” not what you “say”.  Consistency in action is what builds a lasting, strong, harmonious relationship.

4. Like Frankie says “relax”..it has finally learned to shut up and be honest.  If it can be honest, open and vulnerable..what is the point?

Slaves are special creatures and when they blossom the bond that develops with its Master is unbreakable.   It is a powerful thing to own a life.

your kinky courtesan xx

M/s – Understanding True P/E

As it evolves in this lifestyle, the understanding and behavior of what it truly means to be a slave to a Master become more apparent – its not based in lust, or love, rather its based trust, loyalty and the need to forfeit control to another.

A slave is an an object, not a person. It is guided, disciplined and protected by its Master but it may never necessarily be loved.  If enters into an M/s relationship with vanilla relationship expectations it is surely a recipe for disaster.

Personally, it took this slave a long time to fully understand and be completely vulnerable.  It needed to understand that it would never be its Master’s lover or best friend.  Master don’t make love to slaves.   They fuck their slaves – how they see fit or not.  They may make love to others in front of you though.  A good Master is always transparent because his slave will never ask questions.

You may be asking yourself – why be a slave?  Sounds like you are getting the short end…Not at all.   On the contrary, slaves have the strongest minds and wills.  It is a gift to give a Master total power and control over your being and if they are good, they don’t take their responsibilities lightly.

The journey is never complete and a healthy M/s relationship is never stagnant always pushing and growing both sexually and emotionally.  Yes, it takes highly evolved, emotional mature individuals to successful maneuver the ins & outs of p/e.

When challenges arise, as they often will, it is important to remember never to do or say anything that could be irreparable.   Words often have a much longer lasting sting than sadistic implement.

Take it from someone who had a v. bumpy ride and is finally on the smooth path to promise…

your kinky courtesan xx

A Wise Man Once Said…

“A man can cherish, love and protect the property the man owns. But first he must want to own it, and to do what he takes to own it he must covet and desire it.”

Really understanding the meaning of what this meant took awhile to process.  Not often do opportunities come along in life where you have any the opportunity to get what you want.  The important thing is to recognize that you may never have the opportunity again, to realize how precious it is and take action to make it happen.

your whore, xx