MONDAY MORNING LOVE: REDUX

“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.”

Paulo Coelho

Live your life with passion and intensity. Never apologize for it. Sex, making love, it drives us. It gives us the vitality to live the mundane, because let’s face it, there is a lot of routine in our every day,., Remember though, making love, sex, the act of it, it is an expression, a poem of who we are. Be true, present and pay attention to every smell, sound, and movement. Let the imprints of those moments make up the story of your life to propel you forward.

CONFIDENCE IN AROUSAL

I understand why some athletes do not have sex when they are in training. The constant state of arousal is powerful.

You are decisive and masculine. Strong and swift, but sometimes slow and steady. I am right there with you, following your lead. I trust you completely.

Let’s not let Monday feel like a Monday.

FASHION TREND: SEXY SEERSUCKER

While it may be May and the weather is still unpredictably cooler, summer is right around the corner. What does this mean? Every man must have seersucker in their wardrobe.   Don’t worry, people will not mistake you for a cricket player or a fan of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s classic, The Great Gatsby. If they do, well, frankly, you shouldn’t give a damn.

If the pandemic has taught us one thing, its time to retire the athleisure look – Lululemon be damned. As people get out of the house and return to live events, its time to show that you have a little fashion flair, even in the heat of summer. A fabric that doesn’t need to be ironed and can keep you looking sophisticated and cool despite searing temps? Yes, please!

There is even a day to celebrate this venerable classic. Thursday, June 11 is National Seersucker Day.  Yes, we have day to celebrate this fabric that shelters you from the most atrociously humid climates and comes from the Hindi word, “sirsakar”, meaning ” milk and sugar.”

A seersucker suit shows that you appreciate what is classic.  It shows you see style in the simplicity in pure cotton fabric.This stylish fabric connotes confidence in a man, someone not afraid to stand out in the hotter months amidst a sea of boring khaki. Seersucker is forgiving enough to suit almost any man, regardless of age or body type.

What are you waiting for?  Show me your seersucker.

THE COURAGE OF IF

I was listening to a Lex Fridman podcast last night. In his long-form chat with neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, I felt so inspired.

Listen more here…

As I talked about yesterday, we are all on our own journey of self-discovery. However it is important to realize that we all have the capacity for feelings, behaviors and virtues within us, it is a question of in what capacity we choose to call on and utilize them. Courage is the catalyst.

If—

Rudyard Kipling – 1865-1936

If you can keep your head when all about you
   Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
   But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
   Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
   And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
   If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
   And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
   Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
   And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
   And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
   And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
   To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
   Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on”;

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
   Or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
   If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run—
   Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

Music mood: Frank Sinatra ” My Way”

THE DATING CONUNDRUM – REDUX

I have a good friend who is single, male and v. eligible and yet, all he does is complain about how difficult it is to meet women – despite the fact that he lives in a young, beach community. In solidarity, I joined a dating app for a 1 month trial.

Listen in to my audio note to learn more about what I think of dating in this modern age. I still think the old school rules apply. I’m an old school kind of girl.

I quickly learned that the dating apps, in particular are designed like all of social media – to give you that like, that quick Dopamine hit. Needless to say, I won’t be renewing. My friend made his point.

Swipe left, swipe right and that determines our compatibility?

-Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Its a date not the woman you will be with for the rest of your life. Relax. Personally, it takes me at least 4 dates before I decide if I like you. She is probably as nervous as you are.

-Be confident. Life is too short. We all have insecurities. If you don’t put yourself out there, you will never know. Dating is risky, sure, but it is also an adventure and more importantly, a way to get to know yourself. Opening yourself up will help you continue to hone those critical life skills.

-Its the journey that matters, not the destination. While it may feel that the purpose to dating is to meet your mate, let me underscore, the point that it is really a way to get to know yourself.

Intimacy is a tricky thing especially when we are vulnerable. We can often mistake the desire for “it” rather than the person.

I have been lucky in life, when it comes to men. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve, while still taking my time. I married a man who was pretty awesome for 7 years, had a few really deep and interesting, longer term relationships. I met them all in different ways, and because of them I am better than I was before I met them. Again, what I walked away with was a deep understanding of who I am and what I want. It is that clarity that leads you to finding someone truly worthwhile.

In the meantime, make the best out of the wrong ones! There is always an opportunity to grow.

Music mood: Led Zeppelin ” Ramble On”

FIRST DATE GUIDE FOR A GENTLEMAN

I was thinking the other night about the first date. The experience, that no matter what your age, your confidence level or experience, always draws butterflies. The pressure of the first impression. The desire to look and feel your best, and the preparation and care you take with grooming and wardrobe. Before the date even begins, you may play the potential scenes in your mind like a movie. I’ve had a lot of first dates. An experience where the challenge and opportunity intermingle fluidly, teasing you.

As opinionated as I am, I will also share my thoughts with you on what makes a great first date because after all, “the wise warrior avoids the battle.” First dates are not about seduction. It is an opportunity to road test your emotional intelligence through listening, empathy, sharing.

Dress For The Personality of Your Date.

If you are going on a first date, presumably you have conversed with your date and have sense of her style and personality. Unless you are attended a formal event, mirror her style with your dress sense. I went on a date once with a guy who peacocked his suit out to the point where I felt it was chaotic, and it turned me off. There will be plenty of time, to reflect your personality through your wardrobe later on but work the K.I.S.S method and you may just land one at the end of the night!

Keep it To a Two Drink Maximum.

Trust me. I know you might be nervous and a cocktail will calm those nerves, but keeping your whits about you is key. Another personal story…Well, I will save that for another day, but let’s just say that alcohol impairs judgement which can sometimes make for a night with too much vibrancy than one can handle. I understand you may both be oenophiles and sharing a bottle of wine, may just be necessary. I say hold off until date the second or third date. The thrill of the first date is whether or not there will be more to follow…so, keep it to two.

First Date Conversation. How to Get to Know Someone.

Assuming the conversation that led to a first date was charming and interesting, don’t overthink. I suggest have a few funny stories, interesting questions, or curious observations. I want to know know that you are intellectually curious. The ability to have depth but also laugh at yourself, or find humor in a situation, strikes the perfect balance. LISTEN intently. The best conversation often flows from the questions and observations of your date. Remember, its a volley. The most annoying thing is when conversation becomes an interview. You ask the questions, they answer and don’t attempt to want to know about you.

To Pay or to Split. The Bill Conundrum.

As far as I am concerned, the man should always pay on the first date. I like to be courted. I think a man paying show’s respect and deference to the time spent in a woman’s company. Call me traditional. I can tell you that many of my friends who say it doesn’t matter, find “going dutch” to get irritating. Its a small investment for the potential that exists.

The Perfect Ending.

As someone who builds connection for a living, there are levels of it, and sometimes, you find that no matter how you try, it just doesn’t feel natural. If you are feeling it, lean in and be sure to ask for a 2nd date at the end of your first. I think by date #3, you will know where things are going. When you kiss, be adaptable to her style. I’ve had my share of bad kissers and that actually kills my impression.

First dates are an adventure! Relax into it and enjoy the journey.