MY BODY, MYSELF & ME. REFLECTIONS IN THE MIRROR OF PERFECTION & MY CRITICAL BRAIN

I recently spent some very unconventional time with a client. He probably had one of the most “cut” bodies I have ever seen. Incredibly fit. He wanted to evaluate my body. As I am always trying to improve in all ways, I agreed to it. I walked away a bit unnerved. It wasn’t the naked pushups and squats, it was that he was inside my brain, pointing out every flaw. I felt as if I disappointed him but more importantly myself. By request, he asked if I could bring photos of myself when I was younger – 20’s and 30s. The walk down memory lane seemed to underscore how much time I spent under my own personal microscope and now, his.

Confidence Comes From a Place That is More Than Skin Deep.

From a physical perspective, my body is far from the perfect gym body. I do have great boobs, thighs that are strong and lush (according to his critique) and a butt that is appreciated.

In all the years of being a pro companion, where let’s face it, there is some time spent scantily clad, being confident in who you are and the value you bring into someone’s life, goes far beyond what is skin deep. Flaws exist, surely. In fact, none of the photos on my site are photoshopped for this reason. You learn your angles and dress to hide not accentuate flaws. I say this as someone who used to be a gym nut. The irony, was that even back then, I used to complain I wasn’t fit enough. That was 20 years ago. Now, I am trying to find the happy medium, and realizing that stronger and firm is not just physical but emotional and mental too. Also at 48, it may be more difficult to accomplish the physical from the fitness video catalog of Youtube and 15lb weights.

Even Progress Will Plateau If Don’t Keep Pushing.

The fear is admitting that I plateaued, not only physically but emotionally and mentally. I was making great strides but heartbreak can set you back a bit. I didn’t want to admit it but better late than never. The cliche, “admission is the first step” is a cliche for a reason. It is true but it wasn’t something I was prepared for. Now, I begin again.

You Can’t Recognize Strength Without the Weakness.

Of course this is logical and obvious. In that moment when I was being judged, I had no judgement. I believe my life is about the pursuit of progress not of perfection. In dark and melancholic moments there is also levity that I rely on.

What is skin deep changes much faster than we can appreciate but how we live, from the inside out, is congruent to outside in. Our mental and emotional strength and energy is what creates lasting attraction.