I’ve been a wife. I’ve been a mistress. I am a companion. I’ve been in affairs where the love was mutual, and circumstances where it was one-sided, and some that were really just deliciously deviant sex. Yes, lines can blur and things get complicated. How many times that men get lazy and sloppy with security when they are in an affair is sadly comical.
And yes, the fun and feelings can become more complex. Like a high risk behavior, we are chasing the danger because the reward feels that much sweeter. I know that is an oversimplification. In an affair, the progression of feelings is inevitable. We are warm-blooded beings, after all. The irony, is that in most cases, those feelings that develop are a mirage; we are really falling in love with ourselves. The new reflection that we recently dusted off and can see so clearly through the eyes of someone new. The ability to have someone we can share all that we have bottled up and reincarnate the carnal. Its enticing…
Reading this, you may never have cheated but I can tell you that the way its written about in movies, books, etc..we may feel like we can understand the motivations, behaviors and feelings these trysts produce. Enter smug judgement. I assure you, in the case of affairs, experience is the only teacher. Ignorance is bliss.
All that Glitters Is Not Gold: It’s All About Timing.
I hate using the word narcissist. We all have the trait in us, especially when we feel wounded. It’s self-protection. The balance of power in an affair, most of the time, dwindles and this is where the trouble begins and ends. Sure, there are exceptions to the rule, but how many affairs do you know were the exception? Timing is everything to the success of an affair, and most of are rarely on time – whether it be too early or late. Indeed the timing matters as an alchemical process occurs where what is self-protection can evolve and form into a genuine foundation of mutual selfless love and respect.
Affairs Are Relationships Too and Leave Unwanted Imprints.
I can speak candidly because after my last affair, I finally learned my lesson. Being the mistress sucks. Ok, its great for a while, but living in between extremes is exhausting, not only for you but for your friends! I can think things have settled but the minute I’m on a date with a guy who says he is divorced, I question it. Anyone might just take them at their word. Recovery from being in an affair is a process and a psychiatrist might tell me that being a companion is a version of immersion therapy. Yes, the mistress is a willing participant but her feelings often get dismissed, because she knew what she was doing. This is like saying that anyone who seriously harms themselves from skydiving deserved it. Affairs are relationships too and the fallout when they end, is never really truly understood or known.
When It’s Time to Call The Professional.
Enter the companion that will save you from yourself. There are men that understand this. An affair would never be an option. The best companions truly understand what emotional connection without strings is all about. We can bring the best out in you and your desires without it colliding into your daily life. Unlike a regular relationship where you may question signals and motivations for behavior, the companion/client relationship is clear cut because it has clearly defined boundaries. Those boundaries are a comfortable safety zone for both parties, regardless of your relationship status.
The emotional maturity and adaptability the best of us hone are more than just skills, they are our craft.