THE MUDDLED MIND: THE PROFESSIONAL CONFESSIONAL
All of my life had clarity of what I wanted to achieve. Yes, there were changes in those desires but overall, that clarity was a blessing.
Now, in my late 40’s I have a muddled mind. I love building relationships that matter and are impactful in their existence. The evolution of intimacy and being a professional companion for a decade + has taught me more about people than I could have ever learned from a corporate job where people are always worried for their job. I love what I do. The irony in that is that it is a profession that is completely misunderstood and one that can’t be spoken about openly. C’est la vie.
The Professional Confessional.
People ask, “what do you do?” “What’s next?” I confess that over the last year, two or three, that has escaped me. I cherish my career. The relationships I have built and the precious moments shared. I’ve never cared what people think. I’m not intimidated by my age. I am confident to not look at my past corporate career for leverage and reinforcement that at one time I was something. However, I know I want more. My name is Olivia Twist for a reason.
C’est comme ca.
A Stream of Directionless Consciousness.
This is where someone might say, “hire a coach or find a mentor.” I believe in timing. I believe in signs. Oh, wait, I also believe in grinding it out. After all, life can’t be all about intention without the execution. Over the last 2 years, there were a couple of interesting professional opportunities worth the pursuit. The people in my life, who know my dual identities were pushing for their success because the life of a professional companion is not, in their eyes, legitimate. I wondered if I was living by someone else’s stand of what success is. Had I lost myself because the people that know both identities were gently nudging me? Ultimately, those opportunities didn’t come to be. I could hear the disappointment in their voices.
If I block out that noise, I know who I am and what I want but broadening that feels difficult right now. Where is my fire and my creativity? Hibernating?
The Power of Accountability – If I’m Alone In a Forest, And a Tree falls, Will Anyone Hear It? Will It Even Matter?
When you love what you do but you know that expansion is necessary, it’s can create analysis paralysis. Taking what works and improving on it is one thing but expansion can be scary.
The solo accountability is a different energy. There is no impact on others whether you do or don’t so it’s tempting to procrastinate. Its an ugly truth.
Movement forward matters. One step at a time, whether the footsteps are seen or heard. Faith in yourself.