A PICTURE IN SO MANY WORDS: THROWBACK THURSDAY STORY TIME

In the Christmas spirit, I found a photo of me from 2013, covered in Christmas lights. In the corner of photos were our terms of endearment, “RKPet by JSquare.” I was his pet. My lover/play partner was so good at capturing a moment and all of the emotion that went along with it. A wild weekend in SLC with a 15-year old Chilean Cabernet from the Winemaker’s private cellar, and some serious play time. The reflection of me in the mirror is there to prove it. In this photo we had just broken up. The mask help to hide my tear-stained face and puffy eyes. Endings, after all, are never pretty.

Don’t feel bad for me. Shit happens. Relationships have their lifecycle and if I was truly brave enough, I would ALWAYS listen to my intuition that so often leave me 5 steps ahead. Yet somehow, knowing and not listening leaves me 5 steps behind; the outcome blatantly obvious. In this case, our story – the teacher turned pet had found the ending.

How is that for emotional masochism? Its not quite that, though. In all of emotionally complex situations I have found myself in, I go all-in because I see the best, and leave skepticism to the skeptics. The good blinds me until I am forced to see the full picture. Make no mistake, the uncovering can be harsh.

My intensity, is tough to power off.

He got divorced and remarried, ironically the life I showed him opened a new door. He continues to live a p/e lifestyle that suits his partnership. Me? Well, I can look at this photo and am glad it was taken. I showed him a life that I didn’t want anymore. Silver linings and all of the that. The rest, the best, I have to believe is still waiting for me. I am a true student of life.