A LETTER TO MY FATHER

Dear Dad,

You know I think you are the man. The toughest person I know physically and mentally. Why is it awkward sometimes? You are my dad. Easy peasy. After all, you have known me all of my life. You made me wax the swing set every summer and made french toast on Saturday mornings (only after chores). I never really noticed how much you traveled for work because every Saturday you were there will milk and french toast! I remember the times you were home, you always made dinner – the same thing, chicken with Italian dressing and a salad. I complained and, then the next time, it was chicken with a piece of American cheese and a salad. Technically different, you were quick to point out!

I always thought the father/daughter relationship was supposed to be more natural. I know, part of its me. Its easy to have empathy for strangers but not the people closest to you. Why is that?

I bungle my words because I think I need to say something but silence can be golden. You taught me that, but I got mom’s personality traits! It is easier with mom because I think we are so much alike. I give you credit, you unflinchingly remind us to always honor thy mother and father.

Here we are. I feel like I am on the outside looking in at times. Do I deliberately put myself there? Probably. We have our beach talks from time to time. Those are the times I do more listening. Golden hours, indeed.

I know the cliche, that there are some things better left unsaid. I think of us when I hear that. Then I think, when you are gone, what if I wish I said them??? I know, we have lots of time. Kind of… for the first time I am seeing your fragility. Though you are so disciplined with your workout routine, that the letter C has quite a battle on its hands. You were an athlete after all.

Yesterday, I was kind of fumbling. I didn’t want to sound callous but I didn’t know how, in that moment to extract the right sentimental tone. Its just not endemic our father/daughter relationship. I’d like to change that.

We appreciate the dry sense of humor. We even make fun of one another at times. We talk about business, stocks and high school/college football. The gin card playing are some of the most fun times!

When you sent me that text a week or so ago, I never responded back. It was unexpectedly sentimental. I am used to the annual Christmas letter, none of which have been read for the last 10 years. One day, I will. I’m just not sure I want to read your assessment of my behavior in any given year! lol

I guess that’s it. Thanks for reading and understanding what remains mostly unsaid. You have that kind of wisdom and honestly, despite how tough and judgemental you can be, I’m pretty fucking lucky to have you as my father.

Sincerely,

your eldest (because that matters!)

Published by The Pleasure Proseur

I'm a writer and a lover not a fighter, except if I really want something.

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