In a way its easier to be Olivia. She is not so much an alter-ego as my super-hero. She can be more witty and vulnerable at times. Her strength and sexuality emanates from her core.
Truth be told there isn’t much difference besides a name. Yet, when I am writing a client/prospective client an email, it feels different. When the door opens, it is “showtime.” I am still myself, but there is electricity running through my body at the thought of building connection. My established clients even, it is a always new opportunity for adventure and learning something different.
The Constant Conundrum.
Its hard to explain. After a decade of being Olivia, I acknowledge how much I have learned, but at the same time I know how much I have set myself back. It is a constant conundrum. As Olivia, I am focused on understanding and creating an experience for my clients. It is a bubble that can’t/shouldn’t burst. I never thought past that…if I would ever want something else. The large network I built over 15 years prior to Olivia? I gave it up without a thought. The reconnection has been a humbling and interesting experience.
As Olivia, I am skilled and confident in all matters of intimacy. I desire. I crave. My libido is roaring. However, some of my other skills may have gone a bit soft. It is natural, after all – if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Finding The Right Blend.
I am proud of Olivia. I realize there is a great deal of value in her persona. There is no reason to be ashamed. On the contrary, I learned to be non-judgemental, more empathetic because of her. I also realize I can move forward with her with me.
Though I had though about tossing her aside, I think it is just about finding the right blend.