PUTTING THE “GENTLE” BACK IN MEN

This blog post was originally written in 2010 from an old Typepad blog I had. It has since been adapted.

If there is one animal that should be on the “extinction list” it is, the gentleman.  I’ve lived in NYC for 16 years now and have been been a girlfriend, a friend with benefits, a lover, a mistress, a submissive, a swinger, a one night stand and yes, a professional companion. Yes, I have even been a wife. I can tell you that it makes no difference – the one night stand can treat you better than the boyfriend. The point is that the Gentleman is on the verge of extinction and we need to do something fast or we could have a serious societal crisis on our hands with women raising kids from freeze-dried sperm. (joking)

I LOVE men. This is precisely the reason for why I am writing this piece in the first place. They do try hard. We do and should love them for their efforts.

1.  You always open a door for a woman. This includes the car door.

2.  You are willing to splurge on an entire meal not just cocktails. Being cheap is never gentleman-like behavior!

3.  At dinner, you pay attention to what she would like to order, ask her and then you order for the both of you.

4.  Sex is not payment for the meal you splurged on that is now causing you to eat cheese sandwiches for a month.

5.  The date should end with a kiss and you hailing a cab/calling an uber for her, first.  This may get push back, but sex does complicate matters no matter what your age. Think of each date like foreplay. The tease of the journey.

6.  A woman likes a man that is decisive. Sure, you can wait a day to call her. In the age of technology and dating apps that just require swipe, if you want a second date, ask at the end of the first date. Waiting may cause you to miss a real opportunity.

7.  Compliments are like diamonds – rare and and even the smallest sparkle because they are genuine and high quality. 

8.  Show you have style but don’t overdress.  First dates are not the time to peacock. A gentleman is all about subtlety. 

9.  Conversation is an art. A gentleman will engage his date, asking questions, caring about the answer and asking following up questions in return.  Conversations are like a volley in a tennis match. Relax and have fun.

The most important thing to remember is that it’s not just about you.  Enjoy the adventure of getting to know someone new. Yes, women have become extremely independent but believe me we still need men and any woman that tells you differently is a lesbian.