Sex.  Its easy enough to glide right in.  From the unpredictable one-night stand to familiarity of married sex.  Its certainly not complicated.   Sex, in in its basic form is straightforward.

Intimacy is a Different Story.

It is easy to mix them up.   The emotions we feel during sex, make us feel closer to the person, even in a one-night stand.  The exhilaration of the new, strange, slightly deviant – a circumstance when lust trumps love.  We don’t spend time thinking because our motivation is pure. This is how we rationalize our actions. Like junk food, we gorge on the decadence, but are still left hungry.

I Can’t Help but Wonder, is Lust as Equally Good for Our Souls as Love or Do We Just Want the Sugar High?

I am no stranger to casual sex and one night stands. There are even some visits to swing clubs in my past.  I’ve had my fair share of love too – that deep, all-consuming, soul mate love. To be fair, there were more crushes than there was true love.   However, I suspect that if you were to examine the DNA of most people’s love lives, you would probably find similar patterns.  

The irony is that in those moments of the casual, when it gets hot and heavy and bodies are tangled in one another, the worlds of love and lust blend together.  Defining the “what,” is moot.   Its all about the present…and how it feels, now.  How someone takes their coffee, what they want out of life are extraneous details better left to discuss over coffee. Good old fucking lust. It can be a bitch.

Do We Just Let Chemistry Work It’s Magic?

Love is a mystery. Intimacy is misunderstood. Chemistry is the reaction that produces the resulting feelings and behaviors. The argument for love is based in the idea of longevity. The fundamental tenets of love being loyalty, humility and trust. Yet even love is a paradox – careful, pure and sought out on its face but rooted in psychological indulgence that wickedly teases the heart and mind. There is a physiological reason behind heartbreak after all.

The Fool’s Errand.

Of course, there are levels to intimacy.  Degrees of love and lust. The middle is deliberately murky and obtuse. Our psychology doesn’t want it to be ease and simple. Judgement in this area is a fool’s errand.   The “feelings” you have in those moments when all pistons are firing, does ebb when the day to day begins again.   The pretense of intimacy is not so much shattered as much as it dissipates. Why try to solve the “why?”   What is so special about relationships, is that they are always in a state of flux. The casual to the lifelong commitment, you will be hard pressed to find anyone not vacillating on the long spectrum of intimacy.

 Ultimately, we all yearn for intimacy.   The feeling of natural comfort we can fall into via great sex.   Yet, with all of the unattached sex we  do have, are we really looking for the real deal or are we destined to be intimacy’s bitch?