I have a lot of male friends. One thing they tell me is that the “crazy girl” is great in bed but rarely the type you marry. Like many hyperbolic expressions, “crazy” is relative and most likely, in these circumstances, a lazy word. “Jealous,” “kooky,” “wild,”might be closer to the truth. Yet, they still go back for more because, as they tell it, the sex more than makes up for the occasional vexing behavior.
What prompts the return?
Fight, Flight or Fuck?
To put it bluntly. If there is one truth in life, is that you never do NOT have a choice, because that include not making one. However, in this instance, I would say that a man will never try to fight or leave because fucking feels too good. This is not saying that the decision making process is flawed, it merely suggest that what FEELS good to us, will often override what we KNOW is not.
How many of us stay in bad and/or dysfunctional relationships just for the carnal/chemical aspect?
The Limbic Tactical
That’s what we tell ourselves when we feel a twinge of regret, right? It was a “moment of passion.” Our Amygdala gave “the hand” to the Prefrontal Cortex and fun was had. It’s not our fault, we were overcome by this army of neural messengers, lead by Captain Amygdala. The strategy employed? Hijack any rational thought, overwhelming any cognitive behaviors that were ready to defend and protect rational thought.
Have no fear though, a battle lost does not necessarily determine final victory. There will be another opportunity. As Sun Tzu said, ” The Supreme Art of War is to subdue the enemy without fighting.” If we let our emotional brain rule supreme, life would be in an extreme state of behavior bouncing from good feeling to bad ones.
Mind Over Mania
It is never impossible to get control of your emotions. While “amygdala hijacking” is a very real occurrence when the Amygdala, a core part of the Limbic, or emotional part of the brain, lays siege on any rational thought. We may have all experienced “fight or flight” but it might not have been a dangerous situation. In many cases, situations are not inherently dangerous but soon become that way, as emotions escalate intensely and rapidly.
We may not realize that developing emotional intelligence is our greatest offensive strategy, regardless of the relationships. The ability to comprehend before reacting, essentially warding off any emotional takeover of our brain. A recognition of the signals passing that give you enough time to react rationally before succumbing to a situation that you would otherwise try and avoid.
Prepare the armies by strengthening them in the most stable and rational moments, so that extreme situations don’t topple you.
music mood: Steve Earle ” Train a comin “