I have been single for a long time. I have worked for myself since 2012 My last real vanilla relationship was in 2008. I say “vanilla” because we all know that I was in a power exchange relationship for quite awhile. In the last 12 years I have also had a number of longer-term lovers and friends with benefits, but it’s been awhile since I’ve shared real secrets, crazy adventures and a day-to day repartee with a significant other. I am alone 90% of the time. Make no mistake, my life has not been boring or unfulfilling, and I can say with a smile, that I have mastered the art of being alone.
If you find yourself alone, fear no more. Let me show you the path to the fulfilling single way.
FIRST, BE COMFORTABLE BEING ALONE.
It doesn’t matter if you have been alone for a day or over a decade, like me. The solitary life can definitely be an adjustment. There is a stillness associated with it that may feel awkward at first. We associate productivity with movement and kinetic energy that you encounter being with others. There is no doubt that is a truth but there is also something to taking a pause and looking inside of yourself.
After 12 years, I can tell you that I enjoy being with me!
THERE IS ACTION IN SOLITUDE.
I like to call this observance. When you are alone, you are likely to observe more since there isn’t distraction of others. It is the stillness that breeds a level of acute awareness that can catalyze deeper understandings and solutions. The idea that collaboration of two or more brains are the only way to innovation and problem-solving is oversimplified; meditation of one body can also bring the insight needed. There is more beauty and truth than you could ever discover.
FIND FUN IN A PARTY OF ONE.
If you haven’t dined alone, try it. Be even more daring and leave the book, notebook and phone at home or at least, off the table. There is no shame in not being busy or looking important in that moment. I bet if you just focus on your food, drink or whatever the activity is you may be surprised at the dynamic moments you create. I believe this is when we are at our best in the development of creativity and inspiration.
Enjoying a solitary life doesn’t mean you don’t have support systems. It doesn’t mean you are social awkward or missed out an opportunity to for a a more fulfilling life. I would rather not have someone sum me up my perceived value by marital status or occupation but I know its too tempting for many!
THE CHOICE IS YOURS NOT THEIRS.
I don’t mean for that to sound flippant but we all have had a time in our lives where me muttered, ” I had no choice,” That is bullshit. It is true that not all the choices we choose are immediately impactful, there is always a decision tree involved.
Finding wholeness and likeability within oneself is something we all strive for, right? Otherwise what is the point to personal development? The next time you find yourself alone, revel in it. You may be delightfully surprised in the power of one.
music mood: Led Zeppelin: “Kashmir”