The Lucky One…

I think about all of the opportunities I had to to tell you how much you meant to me.  The moments of verbosity came more often than I was prepared for.  The chances slipped away…

Have you ever lost something that didn’t belong to you?

This was a new sensation.  People have called me stubborn, including you, but little did you know that losing you was never having you in the first place.  If only you could understand that.

It was as if my emotions and behaviors were living parallel.  My love for you was so deep and profound that I couldn’t possible declare it with words and when I did, it felt inadequate.  At the same time sharing it with you wasn’t helpful for either one of us.  It is why we always spoken in photos and not often in real dialogue.  As long a we kept that world protected, we would be fine.

Until one day, it wasn’t. Just like that.

I can’t say it was a tragedy.  No, it was just a shredding of my heart.  I don’t let anyone in the way I did you.  The tenderness you witnessed in our most intimate of moments, I didn’t think I had that capacity.  I was never the sensitive one.  I was never jealous.  People often said I had the mentality of a male with a high libido.   And yet, there was so naked not only physically but emotionally.

I heard you whisper, felt your breath on my neck and your hand on the small of back…letting me know I was safe with you; letting me know there was no place else you would rather be.  Now as I write this, the feeling is still so intense that I don’t have to close my eyes to visualize it. I see you.  I see me.  I see us.    Indeed, then and there, I felt as if it was the only certainty in the world, at least the only certainty in the world that mattered.

Lemons are tart until you add sugar and water.

In an effort to expound on the cliche, ” when life give you lemons make lemonade,”  it’s important to point out that lemons in their natural state are loaded with vitamins even though the taste is quite tart.  Its only when you dilute pure lemon juice in sugar and water that for most people, it then become palatable.

I don’t need anything diluted. I want to feel them in all of their ugly, blessed glory.  It means I was a lucky one.

Music mood:   The Cure  “pictures of you”

Neurally yours,

Jersey girl xo