As we round out the Valentine’s Day weekend, I thought it appropriate to share a bit of my heart with you, dear readers.
The heart keeps beating. Blood remains red.
Let me start at the end because it’s the only thing that is certain, no matter how it feels. Life goes on. I date. I connect with others. I enjoy life as I did before you. Yet, I still feel it profoundly, your absence in my life.
My heart is on fire.
The middle. I remember it all. We sucked the marrow out of every moment. Oh, I loved you. LOVED YOU. You weren’t my husband but I wished every day I could wake up next you. Smell you. Fuck you. Make you smile. I was lucky to have our sunrises and even a few sunsets.
My soul is waiting.
I don’t want to “move on.” I have in one sense, of course. You prattle about in the bowels of my brain and in the deepest part of my heart. I have the lungs of a long distance runner and a stride that is strong and steady. There is no hurry.
Life is about taking chances.
That is the beginning of us. A chance encounter. A sultry middle and a very bittersweet end….
A love letter to you I share openly and without embarrassment or shame. I felt you every minute of every day. You weren’t my husband. You weren’t my soulmate. You were just you. A man of such greatness that even your flaws, which were many, I couldn’t help but adore.
Thank you for taking that chance with me, mon roi. I loved calling you that.
Thank you for all of the moments.
Music mood: “pictures of you” The Cure