The other morning I had breakfast with my ex-Master.  He had been reaching out to me for months and my response was sporadic because I didn’t know how I felt about having him back in my life.  What did that mean?  Was the power exchange going to be there?  Would I feel manipulated?  Would I feel ready to accept the conditions of his friendship? Those were questions I wasn’t ready to answer.

Until I was.

We met and I was 30 minutes late.  I think I was nervous.  I ended up in a conversation with a family member and then looked at the time and realized I was going to be late.  Maybe that calmed my nerves because if he left, I couldn’t blame him and then I wouldn’t have to face it.  It is cowardly I know but life and emotion isn’t so simple.  My Master was a large part of my life for a long time.  The lessons and education I took out of that relationship are forever-lasting and I am so much bigger and better a person for it.

When I arrived at the restaurant he was still there.  I rushed up to the table, apologetic but he seemed so relaxed and told me to sit.  He had pushed a meeting back so we would have more time. I wore jeans on purpose.  I knew he would say something.  He waited until later that day to message me about it.    I realized my feelings of devotion and caring for him still exist but its different now.  He gives me solid advice and he is always positive.  Our relationship went back to how it was when we first met.  I was at a party in stilettos and stocking and he made a charming remark….

There are some people who leave an indelible mark on your life.  Its lucky when you have that.  Someone who doesn’t judge, who understands you more than you give them credit for.

In that breakfast we were just 2 people.  Ordinary people equal as we sat with our eggs.  Happy to be there after 3.5 years.  We discovered its not so bad to equal.

Music mood:  Bruce Springsteen “brilliant disguise”  (his favorite musician)

Neurally yours,

once a slave xo