Its interesting, how power exchange works. There is a great deal discussed when you are in a p/e relationship but not much discussed after you and remain “friends.” Does the power exchange element suddenly disappear?
The conundrum lies in the fact that submission or dominance is a state of being. It doesn’t go away because the relationship dynamic changes….or can it? What happens when one person doesn’t want it? The connection my ex-Master and I have is real. I’m struggling with ambivalence – I don’t want a p/e relationship with anyone but being submissive to him for so long, it’s more difficult than I thought to adjust to a new direction in our “friendship.”
I took his piss in my mouth after a year of not seeing him. It was a v intimate and submissive act. Yes, I wanted to give him what he needed in that moment. For me, it was clear and simple. Small bites and living in the moment. That’s all.
He emailed immediately after our encounter with a report on my behavior. He was pleased. Then yesterday I heard from him again. This time it was a direct action. He wants to have lunch and then beat me. Then he made another request. It was the nature of it that bothered me so much as the way he worded it. Normally, it wouldn’t be an issue but given our history….I don’t want his gift of dominance in my life anymore, in a structured way. I know it will always be there so I need to manage it properly. The moments we share can still be special but my submission is something I can no longer offer him. I’m afraid if I do, I will go down a path of no return.
I am mature enough in the lifestyle to know that the giving and receiving of power is just that, a gift. Together or not, it should never be assumed or taken for granted.
I will be honest with him because that is the only way I know how to be.
I am enjoying my life the way it now. I don’t want a Dominant. I am dating vanilla men and looking forward to opening them up to my world, slowly.
A life of morsels and moments with people who can appreciate the gifts of kink, sensuality, submission, dominance and friendship.
Ok….thanks for listening..off to work out now…
Music mood: ATB – ” Don’t Stop”
your kinky friend x