You are not  Dominant because your fetish makes you so.  You are not Dominant because you own impact play toys.  You are not Dominant because you call yourself a “Top.”

The nature of BDSM is 95% mentally and spiritually based.  If you spend time in the company of a true Dominant/Master or submissive/slave they don’t refer to themselves as anything unless they are in a relationship that clearly defines what they are.  The reason for this is because there is a “switch” in all us.  It is up for you to determine, if you choose, what that is…

I have been in this lifestyle long enough to know that most people are highly narcissistic and selfish.  If you go on Fetlife, the Facebook for kinksters, there are so many profiles that read like a match.com profile. It is all about their needs.  Their wants and then assumptions of what they expect/want need in another.   It doesn’t matter if you are single, in a pure power exchange relationship, in an open marriage or married and your wife has no clue.  The need is definitely ego-driven. I think that is just natural human condition.  What BDSM teaches is to go against what is natural human condition.

As someone who has been slave trained by two great Masters, I can tell you that you  learn the most from yourself.  BDSM is an introspective art.  The most valuable lessons and mentorship come from within you.  I think sharing our experiences is often the catalyst for that but ultimately the buck stops with you.

The high emotional IQ we achieve as a result is the most power sword one can wield.    We have all at one time, sometimes many, cut ourselves deeply.  The wounds heal though and we grow stronger.  I can tell you that recently I opened up to someone, in a moment of true vulnerability and it resulted in a perception of weakness.  The person in question has been passive aggressive and now that I realize where it is coming from, I know how to properly deal with it.

Everyone’s journey is different.  I think it is important to always stay open.  What saddens me is seeing someone who has amazing potential but gets sucked into the superficiality of it all….their comfort zone.  We all enjoy our comfort zones but you do not grow if you aren’t pushed.

Music mood:  Bill Withers ” Ain’t No Sunshine”  – “wonder if this time when she’s gone…Wonder if she’s gone to stay..”

Yours truly,

Your kinky courtesan xx