I masturbated today.  As a general rule, I never masturbate alone.  Perhaps, it was the adrenaline rush after Taekwando or maybe it was the wet and damp weather in NYC.  I just felt like playing with myself.  When I say “playing” I mean really doing a number, with one caveat, I won’t finish.  A good submissive never finishes without permission and its a cardinal sin to do it alone.  I like to challenge myself.

Tears were streaming down my face.  I think we all need to self-fuck sometimes. This isn’t about anyone or anything but OUR OWN SELFISH PLEASURE, just for a moment, of course.   We take a break from the intensity of our lives, and our work and really savor that moment where our hands, the right lube and any battery-operated or magic wands can be one with our genitalia.  It just doesn’t do it justice to call it masturbation.  That is why I call it a self-fuck.

What was I thinking?  Well if you must know..I was thinking about you.  Impure thought, with a dash of goodness and purity,  of course.  The dirty and v. bad things I wanted to do your body and mind when I see you. I want to fuck your mental and physical being sideways.  I won’t have to ask permission this time either. You will be mine.  Its time.

I harnessed all of that sexual energy and put into something bigger than me by not cumming.   I’m not suggesting you do the same.  Its just that as a submissive I  wasn’t really in the position to release.

Bad girl.  Good girl.  A two-sided Mirror. The reflection that stares back is never the same.

Music mood:  Hozier-  ” Cherry Wine” –  “Her fight and fury is fiery…And it’s worth it, it’s divine”

Yours truly,

your kinky courtesan xx