Tears well up in m eyes as I write this.  Yesterday’s meeting with Him was hard.  It didn’t go as I wanted.  I wasn’t prepared.  Its my fault.   50 Shades of Grey, my life is not.  It is v. real.  I need to realize that for now, at least, I am no longer his.  I can’t worry about the future either.   I am grateful for what I have learned under his instruction.  I recognize that there were issues that in all of my self-development, I was unable to overcome, up to this point.  I have a “yes” attitude though and there are miles to go before I sleep….

I’m a cancer – loyal, passionate and emotional.  I’m not logical.  I’m not a risk taker.  I finally had to admit that.  At 38 years old, my education is in a stage of renaissance.

Master and slave dynamics should be simple and pure at their core. Often they are not.  It takes great consternation, self-assurance and discipline to navigate power exchange.   This lifestyle has been good to me and the reality is that I want to be collared.  I want a Master who will take me.  Own me.  Make me his completely. I don’t need him physically in my life all of the time but I want a Master so powerful that his energy is felt at all times.  I wasn’t ready the first time.  I think we all deserve as many chances as we are willing to work for.

Consider this my intention.

-s.