Tears well up in m eyes as I write this. Yesterday’s meeting with Him was hard. It didn’t go as I wanted. I wasn’t prepared. Its my fault. 50 Shades of Grey, my life is not. It is v. real. I need to realize that for now, at least, I am no longer his. I can’t worry about the future either. I am grateful for what I have learned under his instruction. I recognize that there were issues that in all of my self-development, I was unable to overcome, up to this point. I have a “yes” attitude though and there are miles to go before I sleep….
I’m a cancer – loyal, passionate and emotional. I’m not logical. I’m not a risk taker. I finally had to admit that. At 38 years old, my education is in a stage of renaissance.
Master and slave dynamics should be simple and pure at their core. Often they are not. It takes great consternation, self-assurance and discipline to navigate power exchange. This lifestyle has been good to me and the reality is that I want to be collared. I want a Master who will take me. Own me. Make me his completely. I don’t need him physically in my life all of the time but I want a Master so powerful that his energy is felt at all times. I wasn’t ready the first time. I think we all deserve as many chances as we are willing to work for.
Consider this my intention.