I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their loyalty and feedback. It is inspirational to hear your thoughts and provokes me to keep my mind open and to constantly push the envelope.
There are topics I write about that may intimidate people and perhaps may just not be that exciting to read. However, I put myself out there because I think it helps you learn more about me, what I like, don’t like. Let me share with you a piece of me…
I have always been open-minded but when I married, I only enjoyed sex with my husband in the middle of night when I would have these incredible sexual fantasies about other men. I would wake him up at 3:30 am and literally jump his bones. After a while I realized that perhaps I wasn’t content and that is when I truly began making my fantasies a reality.
As I mentioned in a earlier blog post, I went clubbing all over the US, partying with DJs and living like a true hedonist. When I finally settled in NYC, I started as a sex worker part-time. I was working a full-time job at an ad agency in the Meatpacking district and would meet guys on my lunch break, which I always made time for, even if it was at 4pm “lunch.” I did this for about a year until I met a man who was older and Korean and I knew he wouldn’t approve so I quit and threw myself completely into being loyal and loving him.
After about a year, I knew I was denying my true self when I went to South America alone for a wine tour and ended up fucking one of the proprietors of a v. famous vineyard. I still remember him giving me a tour of the sauna. We sat across from one another fully clothed while the temperature climbed past 100 degrees. Slowly, we began to take off our clothes, never once taking our eyes off one another and the next thing I knew he was inside me. There was no foreplay except for some kissing but sometimes you just go with your animal instinct and want to get FUCKED.
My Korean lover was not happy. I had journaled about my experiences and although I never told him explicitly what happened, he knew form the tone that I had done something. We broke up shortly after and two months later, we decided to reconcile. Sadly, that was cut short when he died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 42. I still remember the day I found out. Later I learned from his best friend that he wanted to marry me. It was a like a bad made-for-tv movie because at the time he was going through a divorce and his wife called me. I had to be the one to give her peace by telling her that he loved and respected her, which was the truth. Sadly, she had never heard it from him. I didn’t get to say good-bye but I was rewarded later…
The events and people in your life happen for certain reasons and my ex-lover gave me the greatest gift – someone who allowed me to be me. Another man came into my life about 8 months later and rocked me to my core – reassured me I could be myself, live freely and be completely satisfied. 3 years later…
This lead me to give up a regular existence and although it has its challenges at times, I truly enjoy what I do – men, women, orgies and all… 😉 There are times that it is just about carnal instinct but mostly it is about enjoying the company you keep.
your kinky courtesan xx