I recently read the Chris Voss book, ” Never Split the Difference.” It has many brilliant points on the subject of negotiating but calls out that compromise is a losing proposition.
Thinking about it more deeply, I would agree.
Compromise is Zero Sum.
We are taught to believe that compromise is a good thing. The idea that each party makes a concession to find their way to a “happy medium” If you look at the time you have “compromised” in your life, really examined it, are you happy that you did? Did it bring an overall better outcome for you? I am willing to bet money, it did not.
The Difference Between Good to Great.
I believe there is a reason why the 1% is just 1%. Innovation is not happening on a grander scale. We settle for good because good is fine. Good works. It is not bad. Isn’t great being gluttonous? This is where compromise comes in. We settle for safe.
The Great Divide
It is not just a geographical marvel. Great does divide us from the good. Great feels unattainable where good is easily within our reach. A compromise settles things without too much disruption. Yet, are we left feeling victorious? Did we put in our best effort? Were we willing to feel pain or struggle to get there? Perhaps this is why we look up to athletes and the Military elite, because they understand what it takes to get there, without shortcuts. The mind succeeds over matter to significant results. The pain is not hurt but growth.
We get there by not compromising. The end result, we are so confident in, that accepting a middle ground can’t be satisfactory. This, like most lessons in life, comes down to mindset.
Are there times I wish I had a passionate husband? Achieving all of my goals? Yes. I just keep forging ahead, despite any setbacks. I have taken the route of compromise and like Chinese food, it gives you a false sense of feeling satiated.
Whatever it is you want in your life. Be honest with yourself. Good is fine but it will never be great.
I would like to believe I can “think” my way into anything. The truth is that life and all of its riches, literally and figuratively, is much grittier than that. Humility, patience and compassion. The keys to a life well lived. Easy to forget, and takes lifelong practice.
In a way its easier to be Olivia. She is not so much an alter-ego as my super-hero. She can be more witty and vulnerable at times. Her strength and sexuality emanates from her core.
Truth be told there isn’t much difference besides a name. Yet, when I am writing a client/prospective client an email, it feels different. When the door opens, it is “showtime.” I am still myself, but there is electricity running through my body at the thought of building connection. My established clients even, it is a always new opportunity for adventure and learning something different.
The Constant Conundrum.
Its hard to explain. After a decade of being Olivia, I acknowledge how much I have learned, but at the same time I know how much I have set myself back. It is a constant conundrum. As Olivia, I am focused on understanding and creating an experience for my clients. It is a bubble that can’t/shouldn’t burst. I never thought past that…if I would ever want something else. The large network I built over 15 years prior to Olivia? I gave it up without a thought. The reconnection has been a humbling and interesting experience.
As Olivia, I am skilled and confident in all matters of intimacy. I desire. I crave. My libido is roaring. However, some of my other skills may have gone a bit soft. It is natural, after all – if you don’t use it, you lose it.
Finding The Right Blend.
I am proud of Olivia. I realize there is a great deal of value in her persona. There is no reason to be ashamed. On the contrary, I learned to be non-judgemental, more empathetic because of her. I also realize I can move forward with her with me.
Though I had though about tossing her aside, I think it is just about finding the right blend.
Our fantasies don’t have an end game. In fact, I believe they are meant to drive us and motivate us, building the power within us. Never give up on your desires, take pride in our sexual being and nurture it. Fantasies are often underestimated for the benefits they can bring into our every day lives. They are a secret to be shared or held close to the vest.
“Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody else expects of you. Never excuse yourself. Never pity yourself. Be a hard master to yourself-and be lenient to everybody else.”
Henry Ward Beecher
When we work to get our bodies fit, we challenge ourselves because the results are worth it. We understand the resiliency of our physical selves, but the mental/emotional/spiritual aspects, may be a bit more nebulous. Our clarity in the face of challenge and turbulence, is not so clear.
“Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion with which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.”
Live your life with passion and intensity. Never apologize for it. Sex, making love, it drives us. It gives us the vitality to live the mundane, because let’s face it, there is a lot of routine in our every day,., Remember though, making love, sex, the act of it, it is an expression, a poem of who we are. Be true, present and pay attention to every smell, sound, and movement. Let the imprints of those moments make up the story of your life to propel you forward.