THE MUDDLED MIND: THE PROFESSIONAL CONFESSIONAL

All of my life had clarity of what I wanted to achieve. Yes, there were changes in those desires but overall, that clarity was a blessing.

Now, in my late 40’s I have a muddled mind. I love building relationships that matter and are impactful in their existence. The evolution of intimacy and being a professional companion for a decade + has taught me more about people than I could have ever learned from a corporate job where people are always worried for their job. I love what I do. The irony in that is that it is a profession that is completely misunderstood and one that can’t be spoken about openly. C’est la vie.

The Professional Confessional.

People ask, “what do you do?” “What’s next?” I confess that over the last year, two or three, that has escaped me. I cherish my career. The relationships I have built and the precious moments shared. I’ve never cared what people think. I’m not intimidated by my age. I am confident to not look at my past corporate career for leverage and reinforcement that at one time I was something. However, I know I want more. My name is Olivia Twist for a reason.

C’est comme ca.

A Stream of Directionless Consciousness.

This is where someone might say, “hire a coach or find a mentor.” I believe in timing. I believe in signs. Oh, wait, I also believe in grinding it out. After all, life can’t be all about intention without the execution. Over the last 2 years, there were a couple of interesting professional opportunities worth the pursuit. The people in my life, who know my dual identities were pushing for their success because the life of a professional companion is not, in their eyes, legitimate. I wondered if I was living by someone else’s stand of what success is. Had I lost myself because the people that know both identities were gently nudging me? Ultimately, those opportunities didn’t come to be. I could hear the disappointment in their voices.

If I block out that noise, I know who I am and what I want but broadening that feels difficult right now. Where is my fire and my creativity? Hibernating?

The Power of Accountability – If I’m Alone In a Forest, And a Tree falls, Will Anyone Hear It? Will It Even Matter?

When you love what you do but you know that expansion is necessary, it’s can create analysis paralysis. Taking what works and improving on it is one thing but expansion can be scary.

The solo accountability is a different energy. There is no impact on others whether you do or don’t so it’s tempting to procrastinate. Its an ugly truth.

Movement forward matters. One step at a time, whether the footsteps are seen or heard. Faith in yourself.

SEX & FRIENDSHIP: EXPLORING THE BENEFITS OF THE FWB CONNECTION

We want easy but we live our lives hard. The design of our lives is often around what we strive for, not just enjoying what we have.

I think the friends with benefits connection is the most underrated. We fear the exploration of exploring sexual tension in our friendships, for fear of the damage it could cause…rather than just exploring the chemistry.

Listen in to learn more.

KISS & TELL DIARY: THE RHYTHM GETS YOU

If you have read my blog log enough, you may remember the “Who’s the Man?” series. I always picked one gentleman in any given month who rocked my world. As in this note, you will come to understand that it is less about any gesture, or atmosphere, or wardrobe, and more about the energy that flows. It is the one thing that will stump even the world’s greatest physicists.

WHEN IS IT TIME TO CALL IN “THE PROFESSIONAL?”

We look to professionals to take care of things that are either too time-consuming or difficult for us to take care of ourselves. This isn’t always just the tangibles either. I believe most therapists have their place because they help us with the discovery of ourselves, though the execution is up to us.

The professional companion is not only misunderstood but can be so much more than that. Listen in…

THE LOVER’S CURSE: I LOVE YOU, NOW GO.

A man I know can be so good in my bed, so in touch with my energy. His mind and body show no inhibitions. He devours me and his self-confidence sends me soaring. I’m his canvas to play and experiment. I am his muse, bringing to life thoughts and emotions he didn’t know existed deep within.

We explore one another like wild animals. The orgasm is not what we are after. It is not part of a journey. It is not the final destination. I’m not sure if there is a beginning, middle or end. Its just being with one another and that feeling of satisfaction from just being together and the focus on every little moment, every touch, kiss. Every, every.

Our nakedness transforms us.

The Real World Breaks the Spell.

Magical naked. Intense naked. Figuratively and literally. The real world enters like a cold, sharp breeze in the bask of a perfectly warm sun. There are some relationships not made for the real world. Our reality is the fantasy, not meant to exist in what’s real. The boundaries are unbreakable as long as we don’t push to hard, force it. What if its out of our control and the decision is made for us? The external force is so grave, the choice is the inevitability to let go.

“Where are you going? Don’t leave.” The choices are made for us sometimes.

I don’t kid myself. You are gone. My reality not spared. Life goes on. All of your nakedness, that self-confidence you have, is imprinted in my brain, on my body. Its not the same, but its what I have.

A GEORGIA BULLDOGS ANNIHILATION: THE DAY AFTER

There is no sugar coating it, TCU got their asses kicked! I mean the Bulldogs put their 2nd stringers in, after they were up 55 points and Duggan’s still got sacked. TCU also created a whole lot more potential, after all they went up against the best, the defending champions. Now, they work and become better for it. Their field of vision is wide open. But don’t think Georgia doesn’t think they have more to improve upon.

College football for me, is the sport that most mirrors every day life. Every day, we are working on a field of inches, amateurs – gaining or losing. The best are the best because they know. Their clarity on the purpose and their confidence and discipline to achieve.

SAY SOMETHING NICE: SMALL CHANGES WITH BIG IMPACTS

A compliment can change the posture and direction of somebody’s day. A new year, means big change or does it? There are so many little things we can do throughout our day to enrich our life and the lives of others.

This is not a Mary Poppins memo. However, it is a prescription to live a better quality of life in a world full anticipated and unanticipated changes to our comfortable routine.

Exercise is no doubt a big factor but what about after? How can we exercise our inner expressions?

As a companion, one thing I get the pleasure of doing is meeting with strangers to build intimacy. Creating that, begins with seeing what is truly special in that person, what is interesting. It seems easy but it is often taken for granted. How often are you doing that with the people closest to you?

Let’s not take it for granted. Listen closely…

FANTASY FRIDAY: MEMORIES TO FEAST ON

The physical orgasm happens in a second. A meteoric rise then its gone. Its not the orgasm, baby. Its how much you just love to please and be pleased. A body built for pleasure. The ordinary moments that catalyze an energy that is beyond kinetic or carnal. Metaphysical, perhaps.

I get shivers thinking about the top of your head when you are in between my legs or when I am kneeling in front of you and our eyes meet. What happens next is not about the orgasm, mon amour, for I can get myself off at any time….its just pleasure and a mutually keen awareness and desire to give and receive of it.

A PICTURE IN SO MANY WORDS: THROWBACK THURSDAY STORY TIME

In the Christmas spirit, I found a photo of me from 2013, covered in Christmas lights. In the corner of photos were our terms of endearment, “RKPet by JSquare.” I was his pet. My lover/play partner was so good at capturing a moment and all of the emotion that went along with it. A wild weekend in SLC with a 15-year old Chilean Cabernet from the Winemaker’s private cellar, and some serious play time. The reflection of me in the mirror is there to prove it. In this photo we had just broken up. The mask help to hide my tear-stained face and puffy eyes. Endings, after all, are never pretty.

Don’t feel bad for me. Shit happens. Relationships have their lifecycle and if I was truly brave enough, I would ALWAYS listen to my intuition that so often leave me 5 steps ahead. Yet somehow, knowing and not listening leaves me 5 steps behind; the outcome blatantly obvious. In this case, our story – the teacher turned pet had found the ending.

How is that for emotional masochism? Its not quite that, though. In all of emotionally complex situations I have found myself in, I go all-in because I see the best, and leave skepticism to the skeptics. The good blinds me until I am forced to see the full picture. Make no mistake, the uncovering can be harsh.

My intensity, is tough to power off.

He got divorced and remarried, ironically the life I showed him opened a new door. He continues to live a p/e lifestyle that suits his partnership. Me? Well, I can look at this photo and am glad it was taken. I showed him a life that I didn’t want anymore. Silver linings and all of the that. The rest, the best, I have to believe is still waiting for me. I am a true student of life.

THE TWEET PERSPECTIVE: A DARK & STORMY WORLD

You don’t have to know me well to know that I am equal parts thinker and feeler. Its intense, I know. There was a tweet from yesterday that caught my attention and for v. specific and personal reasons, irked me. Of course, it was meant to be taken for all of the goodness in which it was written but it got me thinking…

Listen in to learn more..

Got Time? Listen to my twitter interview with @onowine

MONDAY MORNING LOVE: SQUEEZING OUT NARCISSISM & THE GIVING GUY

It’s officially the holiday week. This means different things to different people. For many it means a holiday, family, and hours spent shopping to see the excited looks on people’s faces. There are others for which it is just means the last weeks of the year are upon us.

I found a quote that encapsulates what a giving man truly is. Listen here.

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